Lydia Jennings and Sherman Cox met at Big Sea Day festivities in a shore town on September 17, 1977 where they had neighboring booths at the flea market. Lydia had her watercolors on display while Sherman's merchandise featured an array of t-shirts, women's casual clothing as well as fashion accessories and boutique items. It was a long, hot and humid day. As business waned by mid-afternoon, Sherman and Lydia became acquainted. Lydia had recently moved to the shore from north Jersey while Sherman was a native of the area. His family's roots in the county were pre-Revolutionary. Many of the streets in the surrounding communities bore family surnames and Sherman always felt great pride as he drove along them. As Lydia was anxious to meet the locals and Sherman had just sustained a romantic breakup, they made a date to have dinner together that evening. A 15 month courtship ensued.

At the time of their meeting Lydia, 34, had just started working as a counselor at a local clinic and did part time art therapy at the hospital. Her water color painting, although mainly a hobby, did net a small income. She had recently abandoned hope of obtaining a Ph.D in psychology. Her attempts to produce an acceptable thesis were futile and her frustrated advisor finally gave up on her. She decided that it was time to stop being a student and get on with her life. Financially this was a necessity as most of the money she had earned as a campus counselor had gone to pay for her graduate courses.

Lydia had been raised in a comfortable, educated, loving family where the children were encouraged to express themselves, explore the beauty of life and the excitement of learning. She was a firm believer in human potential. Besides helping others in her work, she longed for a family of her own to nuture. She was attracted to Sherman not only because he seemed so grounded in the real world but also because she sensed in him a longing for closeness and intimacy which she knew she could provide. Sherman, 42, had terminated his formal education with high school. Having no interest in college and receiving no encouragement from his family to attend, he served a two-year stint in the Army and then set about building a business of his own. A natural extravert with a theatrical flair, he knew he could succeed at sales. He loved the excitement and fresh air of auctions and country markets and formed a partnership with a family friend selling t-shirts and beach accessories all over the state. He was also a certified square dance caller, a family legacy, and was a popular caller for square dance clubs in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

After two years Sherman had made enough contacts with suppliers and saved sufficient money to operate on his own. His range of merchandise grew and appealed to females from 20 to 80 years of age. He had something for everyone, at bargain prices. His intuitive business sense always predicted the trends. When disco dancing became popular during the 70's, he expanded his range of merchandise to include appropriate dance attire, and opened a small shop in town. With the advent of the lucrative 80's, with more women in the workplace, he increased his inventory of business suits and accessories. His intuition led him to stock western clothing before country line dancing became popular. Sherman had indeed fashioned a lively, satisfying life for himself, entrepreneur by day, entertainer by night. Despite his success, however, he missed having a family of his own and sensed time passing him by as most men and women his age already had pre-teen children. The singles scene was depressing and most of the desirable women who were attracted to his rugged good looks were either married, newly separated in emotional turmoil or divorced with problem children.

Sherman saw in Lydia a basically well-adjusted, unencumbered female who possessed the refinements of education as well as supportive, loving parents and siblings, not the hard-driving, impersonal family in which he was raised. In addition, she was a good listener and empathized with his tales of a lonely, regimented childhood as well as the anxieties that beset him each day as he braved the turbulent tides of the business world. Lydia and Sherman were married on February 16, 1979 in Old First Church in Sherman's hometown. The following year Lydia gave birth to their son, Richard Drew, whom they nicknamed Ricky Dee. Ricky Dee was the joy of their lives and the cement that held their marriage together in later years.

After Ricky Dee's birth Lydia devoted her time to the baby, her husband and his business. She worked part time at the store on days when Sherman was on the road. She cared for the home, the yard and their many animals. Besides dogs, cats and rabbits, the family owned two horses. Sherman loved to ride and spent much of his free time on horseback. As soon as Ricky Dee could sit in a saddle, he was taught to ride and was given his own horse on his tenth birthday. Lydia disliked riding but often had to drive ten miles to the barn to muck the stalls and feed the creatures when Sherman was too busy to do it himself.

Lydia was often lonely. She longed for some intellectual stimulation, woefully lacking in this area of the shore. She missed the camaraderie of her peers and, even after 10 years, still felt treated as an outsider by the natives who resented the influx of north Jersey types who were crowding their roads and changing their landscape. She would always be an outsider on what she now considered her turf. In addition, Sherman was becoming increasingly cold toward her, often critical and demanding. His days and many of his evenings were devoted to his two jobs. When he was home, he spent time with Ricky Dee, listened to talk radio, ate dinner and promptly went to sleep. Lydia's life had become like a sad, country song.

Ricky's tenth birthday was significant not only because of the horse but because it stimulated a new resolve in Lydia. Her husband was not meeting her needs. By the end of the day he was worn out. Eight years her senior, he was happy to listen to conservative talk shows which Lydia abhorred. His politics and hers did not mesh and she was weary from listening to him belittle the causes she espoused. She had reached mid-life and was determined to make changes to improve her existence intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Lydia began by crossing the river and heading north to the next county to attend a liberal church. Here, away from the salt air, she felt refreshed and soon became an active church member. She found kindred spirits in the congregation politically and intellectually, and developed friendships and a social life of her own. At home she became more demanding of Sherman. She was tired of his business being the focal point of their lives and wanted one of her own. To quiet her and bring peace to the home, Sherman gave her $10,000 to start a health food store in town.

At first, people were attracted to Health Haven because of its novelty. In addition to vitamins and foodstuffs, Lydia served vegetarian lunches which appealed, for a time, to the business workers and some teachers and students from the local high school. However, the tastes of the area ran more to burgers and beer than to granola and herb tea. After two years the store became a financial drain on the family and was closed. Despite losing her business, Lydia was not discouraged. Many interesting people from across the river had visited her shop and, through them, she continued her self-development. On the advice of one customer, she attended a workshop on meditation given by a man named Sandy, who had studied under a famous guru. She and Sandy became friends and she found that meditation enabled her to withstand the stresses of her homelife. Sherman increasingly belittled her, was an embarrassment to her friends, and ranted about the way she wasted his hard-earned money. He deliberately turned up the radio's volume whenever Rush Limbaugh or Bob Grant was on the air. Even Ricky Dee was no comfort. He was becoming a clone of his dad whom he idolized. He always wore boots and tight jeans and loved nothing more than riding and target shooting, another of Sherman's pastimes.

Lydia's interest in meditation led her from day-long workshops to weekend and week-long retreats. Her relationship with Sandy deepened and became intimate. Within a year they were leading workshops together combining her counseling skills with his knowledge of meditation and spirituality. When Ricky turned twelve, old enough to spend time on his own, she enjoyed the summer traveling with Sandy on a circuit of workshops and retreats. In September, 1993, she returned home, endured Sherman's wrath for two weeks, and on the 15th, packed hers and Ricky's bags and moved to her own apartment. She filed for divorce in October on the grounds of extreme cruelty and constructive desertion. Her specific complaints were mental cruelty due to her husband's constant verbal harassment which included the deafening radio programs and personal belittlement privately as well as socially. She cited him for constructive desertion because of his withdrawal of sexual contact and absence of any affection whatsoever. She demanded custody of Ricky Dee, rehabilitative alimony, child support, medical coverage for herself and the boy, a college fund for Ricky and half the value of the family's assets.

Sherman was outraged by Lydia's behavior and terrified at the prospect of divorce. He believed in marriage and, although he had many acquaintances, he lacked any close friends of his own. He depended on Lydia for emotional support and company. Although he saw himself as the better role model for Ricky Dee, he felt the boy also needed his mother. His greatest worry, however, was what divorce would do to him financially. He had built a successful business through years of hard work and could not imagine having to sell it and divide the profits. Times were tough enough by the arrival of WalMart in the next town which had almost everything in his inventory at even lower prices plus the lure of one-stop shopping and ample parking. As a small business owner, Sherman had no pension plan to look forward to and no company benefits such as health insurance. He was 58 years old and getting tired. He had everything to lose from a divorce. He demanded a dismissal of Lydia's complaint and issued counterclaims of extreme cruelty and adultery. He demanded custody of Ricky Dee and the retention of all his business assets. A list of the couple's assets and debts were submitted to their respective attorneys, and a long litigation ensued.

The sad fact of their relationship was that neither Sherman nor Lydia could accommodate to one another's personality types. Opposites may attract but over time can repel.

~ author's statement ~

~ guess author's type ~

~ find author's type ~